独占神话

2009-01-24T00:47:00.003+08:00

what's the point of saying you had let go when all you do is to avoid, and to curse the other party.

i still remember what daryl told me.
when a relationship turns sour, it is never solely a party's fault. it is, instead both fault.

so since it ended like months ago,
cant you just let it go gracefully like how you picture yourself as.
rather than acting like you havent let go?

i dont know what i'm typing.

2008-11-09T11:09:00.002+08:00

She has moved away from this blog. For she realised, being true and real doesnt secure your placing in the society. Being a hypocrite does. For those who still wants to know what goes around her dramatic life, get her new blog address from her.

2008-11-08T15:05:00.002+08:00

loads of stuff have happened during the period where i go hiatus to study for Os. and well, i guess most of them needed my attention now.

i may have done the wrong thing. or should i say, a crazy thing one normal being should not have ever commited. it's been long since everything dragged, and i guess you yourself know that. it's not the topic of coming back 8 months later. it's not about who is winning this game. it aint never a game to start of with. you are strong. i dont deny it. at least, you aint being a whiny in front of everyone. maybe, everyone should get the correct side of the story. not saying that the story everyone heard is wrong. but... nevermind. i know what i did was terribly wrong. i know i am at fault for whatever chaos created. yet, dont deny the fact that everyone's at wrong. i'm not going to harp of the third part topic for it had all been past. neither am i going to go around saying i'm not at fault. or he's not at fault. everyone is. everyone do shares the equal part of blame or maybe even more. yet, i had choosen to walk this route and i've already known what would become of me. hatred look from everyone. or even, the lost of my very best friends. maybe you guys think i'm nonchalant, maybe you guys think i'm being bitchy or what-so-ever, yet what do you want me to do? it had happened and nothing could be done to save it. since i choosen it, since i had done it, i shall just stay strong and go on.

for those who wish to reconsider our friendship, i wont force you. yet, if we were once true friends, i hope for your support. but if you think it's a taint to you, by all means tell me.

i'm not being nonchalant.
i'm not being bitchy.
i'm not being an idoit.
i'm just tired about everything.

2008-09-15T19:32:00.002+08:00

i'm aint getting emotional or whatever.
i'm just pissed. or rather feeling disgusted by some maggots.
it's not my results that caused this dramatic effect on me.
my results are alright ohkays?
with my E Maths scoring A1,
A Maths B3.
i have nothing to complain.
except for some careless mistake here and there.
but it's better than nothing. :D

i shall go back to my main topic.
i'm feeling ultra disgusted by you.
you wont know i'm talking about you, dumb.
or unless you know you are seriously making me disgusted. :\
i have enough of you. seriously enough.
why must i do all this just for you?
you are like...
sorry to say, but.
nothing.
i shant sound so harsh, in case you go home and cry for your mummy.
aws.
so dont ask me why if you notice a change of attitude in me.
i cant help but show my inner disgust and impatience towards you.

so, fairytales are just nothing but a contrast to the stupid reality.
and i can differentiate the difference between a LIE and a TRUTH.
dont think you can bluff me over by coating your lies with sweet coatings and then say it's truth.
it's stupid.
your sweet coating will melt under the sun one day.
if not, ants will come and bite it all.
so, just stop all your stupid lies and tell me the truth.
it wont destroy any tinge of your EGO will it?
it wont make you loss one second of your life, will it?
i hate people who lie.
especially people i trusted most.
so why must you lie and make me hate you?

you wasnt there when i needed you.
alright.
i guessed it anyways.
you wont be there.
you just wont bother.
for you believe i will be fine.
slowly,
you doesnt know what's fine and what's not.

dont tell me you are doing things for my sake.
it makes me laugh.
laugh terribly hard.

so you rather people take you as a spare tyre?
i dont.
so dont treat me the way you treat others.
i hate it.

alrights.
i'm done with my complaints.
it's filled with numerous people.
gosh.
i'm actually irritated by so many people?
OH MY GOSHH.
alrights.
it sounds bimbo.
but, who cares?

since you didnt choose to chase the moment she left, why bother to do so when she had gone far?

2008-09-14T16:29:00.001+08:00

有些人与生具来的是有些人毕生追求的．在生命终结的时候有些人得到了他毕生追求的，有些人却失去了他与生惧来的

and i think i upsetted my own stomache AGAIN.

oh well.
who asked me to eat such crazy food yesterday. :\

ouchhs.

2008-09-14T14:13:00.002+08:00

alright. alright.
i know i should be studying and NOT break the momentum.
BUT.
you cant blame me lurrhs.
i'm having this 'my-prelims-are-over' mood.
however.
i did listen to MRS RAM and study horrs.
i studied my literature on saturday.
although i just RE-READ the text.
but, it's a great start ohkays?
as quoted, "we're making a step-it's just a baby step, but it's a step".
SEE?!!
i'm putting my literature into use!!!!
say YAYS. :D

and i did my physics today.
so, praise me for being so hardworking!!!
ahahahhas.
alright.
i'm being ultra high for dont know what reason.

so, friday was mid-autumn.
and it was nothing to do.
beside walking around and around for dont know how many donkey times.
until i can tell you how many grass are there in the park. :\
and seriously, air pollution that day is 100%.

so kunda was accompanying me that day.
and we crapped everything.
we was talking about how scary it would be if we got into the same school next year. :\
gawds.
so being the self-proclaimed nice guy,
he volunteered to walked me home.
alrights.
for that, i say he's nice.

and i saw this ultra cool handphone that day.
it's in the shape of a watch.
ultra cool right.
it works like a handphone but looks like a watch larr.
and kenneth was like, 'wahs. i bring to school teacher also dont know.'
lols.

你学习如何把自己的心痛伪装起来是因为不要最爱的对方为你而担心。但你却不知道原来心爱的对方看得出自己的心痛，也会因为你的伪装而感到更担心。

2008-09-12T11:23:00.003+08:00

alrights~
today marks the end of my prelims ONE.
prelims TWO are weeks aways.
and O levels are officially 5 weeks from NOW.

this prelim was not well-prepared at all.
especially this week's prelim.
was flu-ing and fevering for a week.
and the feeling is terrible. :\
and i'm really sorry to spread the flu to anyone. :\

and. this prelim results might sucks.

anyways,
ah gong have been much much much better now.
although he is still in SICU,
but the tube that was stuck down his throat is removed.
he doesnt feel sleepy anymore.
and he's much better now.
thanks for those who had been there when times were ultra down for me.
especially him.
thanks for being there with me when i'm all alone at home.
thanks for cheering me up. :D <3.

alrights.
i shall have fun before i study again tomorrow.
awws.
goodbye people.

谢谢你，我的命中注定。

2008-09-04T16:32:00.002+08:00

let's say it wasnt meant for anyone.

leave me alone.

你笑着说他是朋友。

是我想太多。你总这样说。

这是唯一能安慰我的理由。

2008-09-03T15:31:00.003+08:00

yesterday was a turmoil for everyone. the phone didnt stop ringing. every call seems to be confirming everyone's fear. all of us rushed down to the hospital at midnight... he had agreed for another surgery. a surgery that would cost him his life. yet, he was not afraid. knowing how worried everyone was, he managed a smile and say, 'dont worry, i will be fine.' not wanting ah po to worry, he reminded us not to tell ah po anything. doctor gave him a 20%. everyone was waiting in silence, outside the operation theatre. no one was sleeping no one was resting. everyone was just staring at the door of the operation theatre... finally, the doctor came out. he told us that the surgery was a success. the next few hours are the most crucial... same old cliche words. he say his illness would be stabilised... the doctor continued, flooding us with bad news that were too much to take. ah gong, wake up please. you know how cold is SICU? so wake up kays? dont stay in there anymore. please, wake up...

no one knows how to break the bad news. the adults doesnt know how to tell us, how to prepare us for the worst and yet in the same time not affecting our studies. the kids doesnt know how to cheer the adults up, telling them ah gong will be fine. the doctor doesnt know how to tell us what would we be expecting, with tears filled in our eyes threatening to fall with every sentence he mentioned. everyone was silent, praying quietly for ah gong's recovery. you will be fine. i know you will be. you will hold on until you see me graduate right? you will be fine. i know... you will.

life will be hetic now. everyone take care. ah gong, stay strong.

亲爱的公主，不要害怕。你要勇敢，要学会坚强。没事的。

2008-09-02T20:59:00.003+08:00

prelims are next week.
and i am slacking here.
alrights. you cant blame me huhs, i am surrounded by electronics larr. :\
oh my right is my comp.
back is Wii.
both jie is either DS-ing or laptoping.
so how am i going to concentrate lurrhs.
what's more, both tv in my house is ALWAYS on larr.
dangs dangs. :\

4 days of silence.
and i hated that. :(

his condition was thought to be ohkay. yet yesterday, his situation seems to take a big turn. his speech was slurred, and everyone couldnt make out what he was trying to say. he tried to speak clearly and in return, he felt tired and breathless. he havent had anything to eat since his operation. he felt like vomitting and everything was a digust to him. he was always tired, closing his eyes and resting even when we were there to visit him. no more joking, no more laughter. people around his bedside was solemn, all listening attentively to his request, or even his complaints of his illness. no smile was detected on the faces of those present. the silence was too much for me to bear. i went out to take a breather for i felt his agony there. ah gong, get well soon. i know you can do it. get discharged. dont make everyone worry for you. especially ah po.

she hold on to his hands tightly and told him 'dont worry i will be here for you', sending a surge of motivation and support through his body, allowing him to be able to fight against the illness not by himself, but together as a soul.

2008-08-31T17:28:00.002+08:00

not a superwoman. not a princess.

刁难的公主失去了王子的爱护，应该学会坚强。

2008-08-31T16:02:00.012+08:00

the two bimbos- danielle and yeegin. ACT CUTE. EYYER.

cindy, janson and ME. i'm tall hurrhs. :D
see? the proof that i'm tall AGAIN. :D

alright. that was yongxiang and towrong. they insisted NOT to come down for photo-taking.

me, yangqi and cindy.

miss lee and ME!!!! :D :D LITERATURE ROCKS horr!!

yeegin, amelia, peiwen, ah gaw-shunting, danielle, zul, weisheng and yijun. fourDEE rock on!

wanlin, yanni, cindy and chrismin. say CHEESE!!!

weichang, zhanning, eric. eric look so AH BENG cann?

mr xiao- shunyu and mr J-junjie.

2008-08-31T15:43:00.004+08:00

TEACHERS' DAY EDITION. :D

alrights. since tomorrow is teachers' day, i shall thank them NOW.

mr teo;
a MUST to thank. he's the one who made me love maths larr. although there were times i really feel like throwing my maths worksheet into the fire, or throw my books at him for giving ultra many quiz and test, but i still persisted on larr. ahahahs. he's really a great teacher lurrhs. and of course, an ultra great mentor.

mr lim;
mr AH TUCK. :D :D thank you for helping me get my first A1 for pure chemistry last year. ahahahas. although i gave up and dropped to comb-sci, you still rocks larr. thank you for giving advices to whether i should drop or not. ahahahhas. although you suan-ed me alot, but still i got my revenge back everytime. :D :D thanks for being such a fun mentor. comming down and PE-ed with us whenever you are free. thanks for that ice-cream treat. :D

ms lee;
LITERATURE ROCKS!!!!!! ahahahas. thanks for making lit such a wonderful subject to study. and your lessons are totally LOVE!!!! stay pretty!!!!

ms lai;
alright. ROCK ON TO LONG NECKLACES!!! ahahahahahs.

ms tan;
my teacher of suan-ing. lols. joking. although her jokes is COLD. but still, she rocks larr. for being so GL all times. and she love to call my full name lorr. EVIL. thanks for making SJ a love.

ms vanitha;
another SJ teacher. rocks larr she. SJ ROCKS!!! gossips rocks too. AHAHHAS.

ms ratna;
SJ teacher. she rocks.

mrs ram;
makes me love history AGAIN. although my SBQ still sucks, but at least i didnt give up on comb. humans right. always make A1 for comb. humans so ATTAINABLE. alright. i shall trust her and try my best lurrhs.

mr siah;
PE rocks under him. DODGEBALL or whatever. he rocks in everything larr. and his chem lesson is rocks.

ms foo;
although she isnt my subject teacher nor cca teacher, but she rocks too. caring and nice.

ms cherie ong;
i miss her YOYOYO larr. seriously, she rocks for making her lessons a high-ness. hope she's doing well in her new school. :D

and of course, all the teachers who taught me before. you guys rocks for producing such a wonderful student like me. :D :D ahahahahhas.

alright,

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!!!!!

2008-08-30T21:47:00.003+08:00

maybe when life gets a little tougher, people will then realise how wonderful it had always been.
maybe when everything comes down in a thunderstorm, people will then learn how to hold on and fight against everything.
maybe when relationships between people varies every second, people will then understand how to treasure every single second.
maybe if i learn the skill of apologising, everything would take a big turn about.
maybe life is meant to be like this for me to learn something within.

yet, how long can everything goes with that facade threatening to fall off any single moment.
there would always be light at the end of the tunnel. how long would that tunnel be? where would i be lead to?

nothing is going to affect my studies, at least not now.
i'm so going to work hard and get my deserved grades.
i dont want to disappoint anyone. not those who trust me and believe i can achieve my target.

i'm trying. so if i failed on the journey out, dont blame me.
if i really had the intention of backing out half-way through, will you stop me?
or maybe, i'm trying far too hard to the very extent that i'm actually feeling the tiredness emanating through me.
trying to be the perfect one or at least to the perfection i know i could achieve.
am i asking too much of myself and my life?
maybe i hated imperfection.
or should i say, intended imperfection.

i'm tired.
i want a big rest from everything.
i want to go to the beach again and feel the breeze sweeping pass me.
can i just spent one day staring blankly and doing nothing?
can i just... lie on the bed and think of nothing.

alright. i dont know what had gotten into me.
i dont think this whole post make sense.
i'm tired.
physically and mentally.
let me rest before i wake up and put the facade on again.

i understand everything had to go on. because everyone trust that i could do it. everyone believes that i'm always that strong and happy. everyone wants me to smile infront of them. because sub-consciously, i need to protect myself. because even you had robbed me of the chance to be weak.

2008-08-30T16:58:00.002+08:00

公主和父皇吵架后被赶出家门。公主失去了以往的华丽，成了普通百姓。在公主伤心奔出城堡时，骑士和王子没有追出来。反而默默地看着她离去。

2008-08-30T16:52:00.003+08:00

so yesterday was fun.
teachers' day celebration in the school.
although the whole thing seems so abrupt,
it was still fun larr.

was having inter-class competition during the morning.
first match was with 4B.
and it was ultra friendly match lorr.
everyone just cheer when the teams scored.

then weisheng gave a comment, "if it was with ___, we wouldnt be cheering for each other".
lols.
then went around taking photos.

went up hall next for the performance.
was ohkay larr.
laughing ultra hard or every performance.
screamed and cheered like nobody's business.

then waited for kunda to finish his ssc celebration.
was still deciding whether we should go back unity.
in the end, we decided to catch a movie.
watched WALL-E.
ultra nice.

then rushed home to prepare and meet the clique at cck.
went anchor point to makan.
the disney restaurant.
ultra cute larr.
the pizza and the facilities in there.
is love.

then shopped.
called daddy and told him i will be visiting ah gong.
so parted with them at queenstown mrt station,
and went on my search for the alexandra hospital shuttle bus.
waited ultra ultra long lorr.

reached there and tlked to ah gong.
still in pain though.
but he can suan me lerr, so still not bad. :D
laughed at my hokkien.
and insisted that javier's hokkien is far way better than me.
lie lorr. lols.

went school to study today.
finished E Maths Set C.
yay-ness.

by not saying anything, it doesnt mean nothing.

2008-08-28T21:19:00.002+08:00

'if that was the case, i would support you. i wont even bother to stop you. for i know, when you are set to do something, you will do it no matter what. for i know, if you really did something like this, you have your own reasons. no matter what, i support you. as long as you dont hurt yourself and others, even if it's totally wrong, i will support you'.

the words that i wont hear you say.

so that was the bunch of words he threw out to me at a go. so,

i dont care if i'm a bitch.
i dont care if i'm acting like a bimbo.
i dont care if you hate me.
for i know i wont like you more than you do.
for i know i wont die with your hatred.
for i know i still have my friends around me,
who love me for who i am.

and when i do something that evil to you, i have my reasons. dont let me hate you. for i dont know what else i could do. i wont kill though.

原来沉默不再是一种美德。

2008-08-28T19:44:00.004+08:00

so today marks the break of our prelims.
and A MATHS P2 is seriously hard.
killer lorr. :(
so there goes my A larr.

mr teo had finished marking A MATHS P1.
he zai larr.
one day and he's done.
is quite happy with P1 results. :D :D

after much persuasion, ah gong had agreed to hospitalisation. he had some tumour infection at his intestine, which caused him to have no appetite for very long. yet, being the stubborn old mule, ah gong choose to ignore everyone's persuasion in getting hospitalised. even getting him to visit the doctor in the beginning was a challenge to all. he was unwell for weeks. yet no one knows that things would become so serious. he had fever, a sign of infection and yet everyone thought he was just pure unwell. when he started to get tummy upsets frequently, everyone worried. finally he agreed to see the doctor and the doctor found a tumour in his intestine. although the tumour isnt the kind that would cause cancer, it worried everyone. his tummy upset caused him to not eat. even if he does, all he did was to vomit everything out. ah gong turned really skinny. really skinny. it really pains me to see him so fragile and weak. no more was he out in the living room playing with his grandchildren. no more was he out to batam for his business trip. it sort of worry me... what would happen to me if one day he's gone? he's always so fun to be with. so childlike. yes. he plays with us since young and even now. yet due to my hetic schedules, i dont get to see him often. when there were times that i travel down to their house, all i could witness was him resting... if not, he would be gone overseas, looking after his business over there that no one in the family wishes to take over. everyone is worried. all of us asked him to end his business over there. yet do we really understand that it is his fruit of labour? he was so proud of it when he brought all of us over to view his businesses. yet, none of us show any sign of interest. and now, he is so old, so weak and fragile. having to gone through a surgery, i didnt go and visit him. and granny... she is always there for him, wanting to stay by his side every moment just like the way he did for her. i really love them... i really do. ah gong, get well and come back asap hors?

原来我不在时，也有其他人陪你。

2008-08-22T20:46:00.003+08:00

this week is the LAST week of night study.
which means prelims are here.
O lvls are coming.
dangs dangs.

this week is pia-ing of last minute work.
revision i mean.
and seriously.
4D has no prelims mood lorr.
even mrs ram was like, 'can you guys study?'
lols.

had been in a difficulty to break open my locker.
AND i didnt get to the wrong locker.
neither did i forget the code combination.
so, conclusion. the lock is faulty.

11 people tried to help me break my locker open.
and all failed.
so i had to do the last resort- snap it open.
went down to general office.
and saw mr lau outside.
so,

me: mr lau, my locker cannot open. cause the lock faulty.
mr lau: snap it open then.
me: can ar?
mr lau: your lock?
me: my locker. company's lock.
mr lau: then you want to snap the company's lock open?!
me: can la. they say we can get the lock back.
mr lau: u sure anot?
me: yes.
mr lau: then go sign out the cutter.
me: cutter? how?
mr lau: do tell mdm zadia (or whatever her name is) u want sign out cutter. say got my permission.
me: orhs.
mr lau: then you come open i teach you how snap open.

LOLS.
so in the end, kunda help me get the cutter and he was being taught how to snap it open.
so we went up to level four with like people staring at us.
lols.
in the end, kunda and ruiyang helped me snap my lock open. :D

ohkays. that was the most important thing of the week. :D

如果有一个人被骗很多很多次，那么是那个被骗的人笨，还是骗他的人聪明？

2008-08-16T21:28:00.004+08:00

this week is fun-ness. :D

today was literature workshop. from 9-4.
literature is totally LOVE. :D
it rocks larr.

friday was oral practicing with miss lai.
was in the staff lounge with her, yuxuan and guanyeow.
so we were just ranting on and on.
and my topic was, tell me you favourite food.
and i ranted on about how chocolate is LOVE. :D :D
and ms lai says that she's getting verbally abusive.
and she claimed that we influenced her too much.
lols. :D

orals were on for half of the class.
so they were let off for the ultra difficult SBQ history test.
it sucks larr.
i mean the SBQ.
i totally dont understand cartoons cann??
and mrs ram told me, "you know what? you have SBQ phobia. that's why you cant do SBQ."
like LOLS. alright.
i do have SBQ phobia. since sec 3.

so only half the class was doing the ultra hard test lurrhs.
and the other half was released like right after recess.
zai larr. when me an danielle went down after test, we saw weichang and friend playing chess cann?
like... oral soon leys!! lols.

and people came out spitting vulgarities.
like averil.
hers was totally classic cann? lols.

examiner: tell me how we can save the environment.
averil: dont throw rubbish.
examiner: anymore?
averil: do the CIP thing
examiner: and?
averil: dont step on grass
examiner laughs.
then she was complaining to ms lai. "i think he's out to make me say something stupid lor!"
lols.

and they say they were being cut off.
wahhs.
so evil larr. :(
i think i will cry if i got cut off lorr. :(

tuesday was getting back of MTL results.

and seriously.
i dont know when i have sooooo many nicknames lurrhs.
so to add on to my dont know how many nicknames,
hafiz and cheekeong decided to call my name the other way round. dangs.

when god creates human, he creates in a pair.

2008-08-10T20:56:00.003+08:00

i'm so going to declare MISS NG YUXUAN as the world's biggest goondo bimbo ever.

since she is going to declare me as the world's biggest bimbo sucker. o:

that goondo DONT believe me that tomorrow is holiday lurrhs.
and she was still so enthu about going to school tomorrow.
like LOLS.
her reaction is still that goondo lorr.
she insisted that tomorrow is school day
and made soooooo scared that i got it wrong larr.
lols. :D

and i really miss the days we were together, highing and bitching about people we dont like. lucky she's going to be back on tuesday for her spa. yet, when will she truly be back to us? zhengxun had returned. when is she returning? i miss the full 4D'08.

2008-08-10T15:36:00.002+08:00

yableyableyable.

tomorrow is SCHOOL-LESS.
and i had no idea what to do with it. :\

had been sleeping like a log since yesterday.
although i was moving around JP yesterday morning. :D

went out at 9.30 to go JP.
was kind of cool.
when all you do is walk around.

reached home at 1.
bathed.
lunched.
and slept.
all the way to 5.

went granny's house for dinner.
and yesterday night is BOREDOM lorr.
NO shows at all larr.
all because of BEIJING OLYPMICS. :\
so everyone was watching hi-five with javier.

reached home at 11.
slept all the way until 9.30 today.
like crazy-ness.
ultra tired lorr. :\

night study can really kills.
feels like pon-ing one week.
and go home sleep. :\

yesterday was fun. thanks. :D

2008-08-08T22:55:00.002+08:00

可以不要两个月吗？

when you realised that the frown on her face was caused by your indecisive, what can you do to erase that frown that seems to have stay etached to her?

she has a temper you cant curb.
a temper you wont know how to tame.

公主的愿望是希望王子只爱她一个。

2008-08-08T20:40:00.002+08:00

S-I-N-G-A-P-O-R-E
S-I-N-G-A-P-O-R-E
S-I-N-G-A-P-O-R-E.
ONE PEOPLE ONE NATION ONE SINGAPORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~lalalalala. :D

being ultra HIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH now. :D :D

today IS NDP celebration.
was highing the WHOLE day.
shouting and jumping and highing like nobody's business. =D
i didnt know i was so PROMINENT that almost those who i know can see me highing there.

like PEILING.
who told me that i was seriously highing like crazy.
and she said i could be heard from art room when i'm on the 2nd floor. WAHHHS!!!!!!!!!!

like YEEGIN and YENTENG.
who cant stop smiling due to the very fact i was waving my flag and balloons at them like ULTRA HARD.

like MARY.
who saw me mouthing good luck to her right before the parade.

like MISS TAN.
who saw me ACROSS the block and took my photo. :D

ohkays.
i'm PROMINENT. :D

and and our class won the class pyramid!!!
4D ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

was ultra ultra high.
until the end.....
where gastric starts. :(
intended to go brunch with yuling they all.
but was tired and energy-less.
so U-turned back to go home. :D

reached home.
bathed.
and i slept.
woke up and ate my lunch.

was watching the VCD that ms tan pass to all graduating NCOs today.
and i MISS SJAB larr.
and seriously, i'm ultra proud of them lorr!!!
their drill is NICE and NEAT cann??!!!
good job!!! :D :D

this week was a HIGH-ness week. :D
tuesday PE was softball.
and i HOME RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and the field is like BIG larr.
and YES. i HOME RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

laughter of the week.

ms lai: i want bubble tea without bubble.

junjie: u are supposed to climb up not push my shirt up.

chrismin: 1, 2, 3, go.
pyramid base one: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i so love 4D. :D

2008-08-01T20:44:00.002+08:00

yepps.

i had remade it to public due to demands for reading. :D

i know you care. ~~i know you love me so.~~

and he just said i love you.:(

2008-08-01T20:26:00.004+08:00

school weeks have been passing ultra fast.
and we are coming to an end in JULY.
oh my gawds.
prelims is like in weeks time.
and o lvls is 5 weeks after prelims. :\

mr teo is pushing the whole class for maths. :\
if we managed to finish his set A-Z for both maths,
we would have finished 90% of maths paper in singapore.
WOWS. :D

this week was the start of night study.
didnt come to school on monday for some domestic reasons. :D
those who know why dont let the cat out. :D

went for night study instead.
and was highing there, right outside HOD.

tuesday PE is FUN. :D
softball cum soccer cum volleyball cum dodge humans.
was fun although the whole game is just about running like there's no stop. :D

merged with the guys.
and they are HIONG-ness.
junjie wanted a home run.
but he failed.
everyone let him ran.
and stop him at the third base. :D

played with esmond's guava fruit juice,
with his permission.

wednesday night study is :D.
helped mrs ram with her honour roll.
and the nice nice name were all credited to ME.
and yeegin. and zul. :D

thursday's literature is cool.
was being landed into the podcasting for mr malek. :\
did and had lit.
fairytaled.
crapping and talking.
and ghost-storied.
weisheng tried to scare everyone with his ultra high pitch screaming.
lols.

friday is test day.
SS test is bad.
i hate SBQ lurhs. :(

after recess, mr seah called out those who were frequently late.
and the first name was ERIC YAP.
and almost everyone started laughing after that.

and today's conversation with mr lau is ultra hilarious. :D

he: whose chocolate?
me: mine. you want can eat. but is melting because now very hot.
then mr lau took one and eat.
he: if i were a student again, i would definitely work harder and study hard. so that i can be in england now. here so hot!

LMAOS. :D

was studying in school with janson, leslie, kunda, yeegin, cindy and shengkiang.
and janson, leslie, kunda JUST finished bball larr.
and they STINKS.
worst still is all sitting in front of me lorr. :\
was high-ing with them.

when she cried out in pain, with tears streamming uncontrollably down her cheeks, it never failed to make my heart aches for her. everyone could do nothing, but sit there and watch her, praying that she would get better and recover. the atmosphere around was stiffen. we could do nothing. not a single thing. and then, this feeling came to me. i feel so useless, so helpless. i could do nothing to soften her pain. not even helping her when she relapsed. what's more, i'm a st john. her classmate. her class clique. yet everyone forbaded me to get near her. to even see her in the sickbay. they were afraid of my relapse. i dont blame them for i know they care for me. yet how many people do actually know that i'm really worried... i had to stand afar, looking at her groaning in pain. and yet, i could do nothing to soothen her. to calm her down. darling yuxuan, please get well and return back. i will miss the two weeks of school without you.

2008-07-26T15:53:00.002+08:00

原来弄他这样烦的人是自己。原来我的关心是如此烦人。原来是我的错。对不起，让你心烦了。

i get it now. sorry for bothering you.

最近，怎么说什么都会让人不开心？是自己变得太自大无法体会他人的感受了吗？真的很对不起。

2008-07-26T14:40:00.002+08:00

yesterday was really down in mood.

but was feeling much better after a funny conversation. :D

someone told me "bill gates failed O levels for 8 times. and he's still the richest man in the world."
and i was so ultra shocked larr.
so my reply was, "to be as rich as bill gates, you have to fail O levels 8 times." :D :D
and when i take my o levels results and i score ultra high, i will go around telling everyone i'm smarter than the richest man in the world. :D
that would bring me pride and glory. :D :D

that was the laughter of yesterday. :D

"as long as my princess is smiling right now, does it matter whose fault it is?" why didnt those words came from you?

2008-07-25T22:34:00.002+08:00

i feel totally useless.
i wont bother anymore.
it's nothing i get.
nothing at all.

it's alright. i will just tell myself i'm nothing to you.

2008-07-25T21:57:00.003+08:00

have you been in a position where you really cared for a person, love the person and wants to share the burdens and yet everything is in naught? have you been in a position where you want to understand what the person is feeling, why and how to help the person yet the person just rejects your help? have you truly understand how helpless it is? if you do, will you still do it?

when you kept everything to yourself, you made me feel helpless. totally useless.

2008-07-25T21:24:00.002+08:00

when people's in dilemma, what do they do? do they do something they feel is correct, or do they do something they think is correct? what if an apology is meant to break a person's heart, would you still say it out? if you had to do something that is morally right yet you had to hurt the one you love, would you still do it?

and i'm NOT emo-ing. :\

oh yes. have you wonder if socks are designed in left and right?

maybe, i dont even know what's that feeling called.

2008-07-25T20:22:00.002+08:00

saw their training today.
abit xin teng them.
they seems stress.
ultra stress that kind. :\
my darling NCOs ar,
nothing will happen de.
relax. :D

today was kind of emotionally unstable. :\
got real upset over something.
and broke down.
so diu lian can?
i was so disappointed with that.
oh well, everything's ohkay now. :D

recess was high-ness.
stayed in class,
to see how weichang and eric tried out the human pyramid with dingxiong.
lols.
they are funny larr.
call 1900-112-6868 to support them!! :D
then junjie came back and they tried again with junjie and this time, zhanning the one on top.

history was test.
then assembly.
was highing there.

and people out there, the email you guys received is a SPAM. get it clear.

and i'm so happy that my darling xuan is back at home resting. :D
she will be back and that's YAYS. :D :D
i miss her.
and her bitch-ness. :D

2008-07-24T20:20:00.003+08:00

今天，大家都吃了炸药。
kaboom.
爆炸了。

yuxuan darling, come back soon.

just clear the misunderstanding.

i love the way you hold me close.

2008-07-20T17:00:00.005+08:00

moodless.

不安的时候就抱紧她，让她知道在你心中只有她。

你有没有发现，我们吵架的次数增加了？

你有没有想过，她正在害怕着？

如果能放弃，早就放弃了。

2008-07-20T13:24:00.004+08:00

yesterday is SERIOUSLY a waste of time going out with jie. :\

that zi-high. nothing to do jie drag me out to join her in her crazyness again.
so we went out at around 1pm,
and we had NO aim where to go.
took the train to JE,
and alighted
to change it to pasir ris train.
both of us took a seat,
plugged
and we dozed off.
all the way to tanah merah.
since we reached tanah merah not knowing what to do, we travel further do to expo.
and we thought there would be some exhibitions or what.
but there were only a NLB book fair.
so we just went.
and stay there for less than an hour.
so we went further do more to

CHANGI AIRPORT.
yes. we did that. :D
went around T3.
and it is ultra huge and nice larr.
saw loads of ppl studying there.
intending to go studying there next week. :D

witness a photo taking session of a newlyweds.
went in to the Crowne Plaza Hotel.
then we walked to T2.
jie ALMOST dragged me to T1.
but i was ultra hungry larr.
so we grab a bite before leaving for granny's house.

went off.
and took the train to paris ris INSTEAD as we wanted a seat. :D
so both of us plugged and slept the whole way from pasir ris to lakeside. :D
was out for like 6 hours and i spent like 2 hours travelling. :\

我还能等你这么久吗？

2008-07-18T23:34:00.002+08:00

能为一个人放弃自己的一切，是因为太爱她了。还是整个世界只有她？

我们都知道。。。不可能放弃的。

2008-07-18T21:09:00.003+08:00

that was the first time he raised his voice on her. that was the first time he sounded so irritated by her. that was the first time she got taken aback by his reaction. that was the first time she's afraid of continue ranting on with him. because he sounded so fierce... because she knows she's at fault. she dont know how to show her guilt. she really thought that it would be done when she apologises. yet she irritated him instead.

2008-07-18T20:48:00.002+08:00

today's SS test is handache. :\
1 hour and 15 mins for full paper.
and is really numb after everything. :\

i'm really sorry.

2008-07-17T20:32:00.003+08:00

alrights!~

tomorrow is TGIF!!!
quoted from weisheng. it's Thank God It's Friday. :D
cheers!!

a week had seriously gone by ultra fast.

tuesday was O lvl LC.
had PE in the morning.
got smack by the ultra hard ball.
smack right at my thumb lor.
is pain lar. :\

and weichang is hiong lorr.
the ball he throw injured like 3 people.
lols.

mr seah revenge for everyone by joining in the game.
and he's ultra fast and agile larr. :D

then was LC after school.
is tired larr.
and the worst is,
we had to listen to lullaby until 3.
ALMOST fell in deep sleep.
towrong was zi highing by dancing to the music. :D

wednesday had 4 period of LITERATURE.
cos the MOE director coming.
AND she was late.
that's why.
so we had to wait for her to witness us use the IWB...

for 30 seconds. :\
our recess is zai lar.
had the WHOLE of canteen for just 20 of us?
so they were like screaming across the canteen.
LOLS. :D

totally skipped maths.
and we entered the classroom just to say,
thank you mr teo. :D

IP was chem,
doing electrolysis with the pure peeps.
managed to plate a paperclip. :D :D
the guys did some weird weird experiment.
shunyu and eric tried to plate using up to 6 batteries.
i think their aim is to explode everything. :\

weichang did some titanic in the sea.
is nice though.
but look disgusting when they took their titanic out. :\

thursday was nothing much.
except for IP.
was literature.
and we played the whole 2 period.
since miss lee say we ALREADY had our lesson on wednesday while waiting for the director. :\
so we had charades.
and it is FUN lar.
when is lit unfun? :D

did homework.
and stupid weichang slap my head with SS TB.
had a nice show of watching weichang chase esmond, esmond chase weichang and chinseng chase ruiyang.
lols.
went home with weichang.
walked with him.
and talked quite a lot.

everyday is like test day.
kind of immune to the word test. :\

and when all kind of virus come at one go,
you just feel like lying there in your bed and not come to school.
yet you know you cant pon school just like that.
because there's something to learn everyday.

because i had no right to ask anything more.

有时一种肯定比任何甜言蜜语来得更有价值、更值得信赖。

2008-07-14T21:41:00.003+08:00

your words set me thinking. your actions set me wondering. i know what does all that means. that glance. that action. that word.

其实你愿意为我失去的东西很少吧？

2008-07-14T20:10:00.003+08:00

today is high-ness.
despite my sore throat, flu and stomache,
i managed to stay energetic.
and noisy. :\

lit was as usual.
fun. :D
had a trail run with the IWB.
& wednesday lesson is in aircon-less room. :\

didnt had stress management course today.
it was postponed.

did homework in library with the WHOLE bunch of 4Dians.
and we took up like 5 tables.
JC talk was ohkay.
junjie and zhanning were making unnecessary comments here and there lar.
esp. junjie.
and his comments really make us go LOL lorr.

went home with yangqi and cheekeong.
the whole way was laughing ultra hard about mainly, CJC. :\

and and.
i just realised that cheekeong is my primary school mate.
like HUH?!
lols.
when we was going to school today,
he suddenly mentioned it.
then i was like WHAT??!!
lols.
he said he saw me since primary 1.
and i was like...
err. who are you. LOLS.
ohkays.
i made a new discovery.
he's my primary school mate. :D

maybe.

2008-07-13T18:06:00.003+08:00

或许两个人之间永远都有着秘密。只是他们两个愿不愿意把自己的秘密和另一个他分享。苦苦的进攻有什么用？只要对方一直保持着防守，那么再怎么努力也没有用。只要对方不说，不愿意让你知道心中的那个秘密，那你们永远都只能保持着一定的距离，无法前进。糟糕的是你们可能就因为慢慢产生的距离而疏远、而远去。当你们都懂得惋惜时，才发现距离彼此的心好远、好远。远得让你们再怎么努力也无法拉进彼此。当对方转身远去时，你有没有试着想想她脸上的笑有多僵？她眼神里的不舍有多难忍？她心里的痛有多少？她有多么希望你能叫住她？当你选择让她第一次离你而去，你有没有想过她也会有一辈子离开的那天？当你觉得一切都是对她好的决定时，你有没有问过她的意见、她的想法、她想要的东西？当你决定不理她时，你有没有想过她会多难受？当你冷漠的挂起电话时，你有没有想过在另一头的她正在哭泣？或许当你愿意让对方更接近自己的心，你会发现一切都容易多了。你会发现，原来你们之间是幸福的。

不要不理我了，好吗？

2008-07-13T17:08:00.001+08:00

and it was once again, my fault. my err.

不用了。
算了。
没关系。

2008-07-12T23:51:00.004+08:00

was out the whole day.
reached home at like 11 plus.
and i was only free at 12. :\

went to visit doreen with yeegin, cindy and chrismin.
meet them at 11.
lunched.
shopped for gift.
went.

reached.
and she was sleeping.
woke her up though.
talked to her and watched her eat.
she is skinny.
abit 心疼 her.
take care and get well soon! :D

went off to NP with yuling, yanying, cindy and ruiyang.
thought got open house.
but dont have. :\
went there and walked around.
acting like poly students.
ahahas.
went makan-ing.
and exploring.
zi-high there.

and NP got this ultra cute vending machine larr.
press and come out is sandwich lorr.
all of us tried the two sandwich.
and is ultra nice.
AMAZED. :D

cam-whored.
and climbed stairs like for nth time.
and the stairs is like ultra long?
ultra tiring larr.
all slopes cann?

got lost.
walked and walked.
finally we saw light.
lols.
took bus straight back to bukit batok mrt.

went to lot 1.
enter cotton on.
and their shirt is ULTRA nice larr.
the yellow is nice cann??
lols. :D

daddy changed his car.
and his car is like ultra huge and black.

down with a flu.
and sore throat.
manns.

and who's willing to give me money?
ahahahas.

it's just a day. and i'm starting to miss you.

2008-07-11T23:25:00.001+08:00

i dont like the way you push me to the end of the cliff, telling me i will be better off this way.

2008-07-11T22:39:00.002+08:00

i dont know what to say.
was that disappointment?
or was that something they call...
nevermind.
i shall ask nothing.

2008-07-11T22:09:00.002+08:00

mummy decided to pangsey the whole family and go overseas for 2 days.
dangs.
which means i have to settle every meal myself.
eyyers.
so i shall make myself busy this 2 days. :D

lessons were per normal.
had master the skill of sleeping late and waking up early AND.
not feeling tired in class. :\
thought i could last the whole week.
but i just go dead on wednesday.
mr teo is ROCKS lar.
he allowed the whole class to power nap almost 1 period. :D :D
and he woke everyone up with his 85% pure chocolate. :\

PE was rough-ness.
rained.
and we played dodge ball in hall.
hiong-ness + rough-ness= 4D dodge ball.
the ball just go zoom
and pia.

got aimed by zhanning and weichang.
eyyer.
next lesson they going get it lorr.

i thought you would stand there and prove that we arent in wrong. however, you still succumb to fear and choose to back away.

2008-07-06T16:15:00.001+08:00

happy youth day to all youths out there. :D

i've force a facade on myself so long, that i dont even know what i'm feeling right now.

2008-07-06T09:56:00.006+08:00

was out the whole night.
and was ultra tired. :\

did ME19 since the start of the morning.
and is difficult lor.
no wonder junjie called and scream over the phone yesterday. :\
was headache for ME19.
ews. :\

she said she had alot of things to tell him, yet she couldnt and dont know how to bring her thoughts and feelings across. she's afraid of facing, afraid of losing. afraid that everything would backfire and go for the worst.

在她还有能力时，找到她。
在她还相信时，告诉她那些曾经属于她的承诺。
在她还没放手时，紧紧抓住她不放。

如果你爱她，你愿意为了她放弃多少？

2008-07-05T17:34:00.002+08:00

officially POP-ed.
officially step down.

had promotion first.
then march pass.
contigent inspection.
lunch at 10 plus.
everyone had to wait for us,
the zi-high batch to finish cam-whoring before they could eat.
aws. :\

eat and zi-high again.
ahahahas.
sit there and waited to be serve.
the drinks and stuff.
all done by juniors.
last time bully them.
just do it. :P

waited.
clean up and went up to AVA for POC.
didnt fall in.
instead, was being ultra noisy infront of the squad.
saw the presentation the sec2s did.
aws. :D

received our certificate of appointment.
and the gifts the sec2s prepared.
awwwws.
so cute larr.
it's a baby shirt with HAND DRAWN sjab logo and our names. :D
awwwwwss. :D :D

changed into PT.
had games and zi high there with my group members. :D
had water bombing at the last station.
everyone just forgo the rules and go bombing.
sir kenneth fall down 3 times!!!
and everyone was laughing like ultra hard.
LOLS.
and we concluded,

once, is call accident.
twice, is call coincident.
thrice, is call retribution.
LOLS. :D :D

prize-presentation afterwards.
and sjab is the only cca not down for NDP rehersal. :\

after today's POP, it really makes me feel the sense of pride and honour.
i saw how we transformed from a bunch of kukus sec1s,
a bunch of unclose peers to now,
a bunch of zi-high siao senior,
a bunch of close friends, close working partners.
we made history.
regardless of the CAA, the fun in the corp, the memories.
we may not be the well-recognised UG in the school.
we may not be the batch of better NCOs.
we may be small in size.
but we are st john.
we create miracles because we work together. :D
now juniors, we had POP-ed.
we had officially passed over our responsibilities, our duties, our hopes to you.
no more sec4s to rely on,
no more seniors to depend on.
it's now your turn to bring KSJ to another huat era,
keep that gold unit award in our cabinet k?
so what if we are small,
so what if we are just 10 years old.
we create miracles.
and mary, remember what i told you today.
you can do it. :D
dont cry ler. :X
i will still be there de!

and seniors, we had done our job well.
it's time to let the juniors take over.
and watch them do their job.
happy POP-ing!! :D :D

so, i dont deny the fact that i will miss KSJ.
the times we had, playing together and highing together.
especially our batch. :D
i will definitely miss the times we stay awake the night before camp just to do up our lesson plans.
i will also not forget the time we keep sending one another our testimonials, lessons plans, just to make sure we standardised it. :D
not forgetting my juniors.
i will miss you guys.
dont worry, we will be back!
huat ar! :D

i love the way you made an impact in me,
i love the way you teaches me the values of life.
i love the way i can proudly says, i belongs to you.
i love the way i say, i'm from Kranji St John Ambulance Brigade.
HUAT AR!

2008-07-04T20:53:00.003+08:00

2 weeks had gone.
intergration is getting on my nerves. :\

today's lesson was short and sweet. :D
maths was pia-ing from 19.3-20.1.
homework was ohkays.

SS was test.

went zhengxun's house to visit him with yangqi, wanlin, chrismin, yanni, dingxiong, yongxiang, junguang, shengkiang and towrong.

was randomly highing there.
note of the day:
yongxiang is mien master.
gungfu panda's master.
lols. :D

i dont know for what particular reason.
they started calling him that.
and i just randomly call him that once,
and he went chasing me.
LOLS.

saw the sec2s preparing water bomb for tomorrow.
dangs dangs.
and it dawned on me that i'm passing out soon.
ouchs.

as usual,
ruiting, peiling and ain cornered me and bombed me lar.
cheat me lor.
say not going to bomb my uniform.
in the end still kana by peiling.
lucky i was FAST.
if not i would be totally wet. :\

for what reason should i give for asking so much?

2008-07-03T20:12:00.002+08:00

it's just two weeks.
and i'm tired. :\

monday was ORAL.
and it was AGRHS.
the feeling of waiting alone in the hall is ULTRA scary.
and for once,
the school hall IS big. :\

tuesday was PE.
without Mr Seah,
everyone wanted PE.
but the relief teacher insisted on us getting permission.
went down in the end
and was ultra noisy.
played captains' ball.
splited into 2 groups.
Jan- July babies one grp.
the rest the other grp.
4D way of spliting up. :D
was hiong-ness.
even Mr Teo laughed when he witness us play.
ultra fun.
snatching the ball is not only the girls' thing.
the guys do the same thing too.
and i got smacked at the head.
and got towered too. :\

wednesday.
had literature.
everyone ran.
intended to lock guanyeow out of the library.
but failed.
chinese was listening.
highing there.

maybe she was right.

2008-06-29T21:56:00.001+08:00

and everyone's leaving.
that's all.
nothing worth sad about.

yet... what's that bugging me so much.

2008-06-29T20:21:00.002+08:00

you sounded so fierce.
so harsh.
so irritated.
the whole conversation,
you just gave me two words.

but who can i blame for all this hostility?
for i got too used to all the pamperings.
for i got too used to all the giving-in.
for i got too used to get treated like a princess.

2008-06-29T17:08:00.002+08:00

i'm BORED.
i'm supposed to be revising my ORALS.
but i lost the whole pile of notes.
dangs.
and may's WONDERFUL idea.
was to read the newspaper.
LIKE PIANGS.
how to lar. :\

because she got too pampered that she dont know how to say i'm sorry.

2008-06-28T16:59:00.002+08:00

come on let's get high.

yesterday was CFN.
last CFN for all sec4s. :[

everyone was ultra high during the day.
esp. during maths lesson
since it was the LAST lesson of the day. :\
zul tried to do a trick on some suay people.
he closed both doors,
placed the broom lying on one door
and the duster right on top of that door.
first to come was amelia.
everyone was like telling amelia to go in from the back door.
and we waited...
suddenly zul ran in and remove all the stuff.
and shouted.
"next one is mr teo!"
lols.

got so high.
and everyone was highing.

assembly was ELDDS's play.
quite nice.
esp. MR CHONG.
he look ultra nice in that attire lor! :D

waited for aisyah to finish up her oral.
and went lot 1 with ruiyang to buy his flowers.
then to pay me back a favour of helping him keep his flowers,
he bought that CJ 7 plushie for me. :D :D
that one is LOVE larr.
so CUTE can. :D

went home.
bathed.
slept.
met up with ruiyang, cindy, jianlun and yeegin for dinner.

dranked half a bottle of alcoholic sparkling water.
and i guess it too place asap. :D
was ultra high.
esp when we saw our class's costume parade.
LOLS.
nice nice. :D :D
and we got best dress.
WITHOUT anyone knowing. :\

highed the whole day.
screamed.
played.
and mr teo was mesmerised by my CJ 7. :D :D

mass dance was FUN larr.
dont know why there are some people who wants to wear heels and cant enjoy themselves. :\
shouted ENCORE with the rest of the class.
and eric was ultra high in his emperor costume.
he shouted, "china rocks".
or something like that.
LOLS.

mass dance marked the end of everything.
4D stayed back to have photo taking.
went mac after that to have a rest.
rotted until mac got ready to close. :\
went home.
bathed.
slept.

today was CHEIF COMMISIONER BADGE PRESENTATION. :D
woke up ultra early.
intended time is 5.45.
but slept until 5.55.
met the rest at supposingly 6.45.
but reached at 7.
went HQ.
dashed and changed.
thought we would be late.
but we were not. :\

clapped.
went up.
shook hands.
photo-taking.
was semi-conscious the whole presentation.

went off.
changed.
ate.
go home.
sleep.

and i waited the whole night long.

2008-06-26T21:27:00.003+08:00

maybe if you are willing to tell me,
i would then be able to know what's troubling you.
what's the cause for that frown on your face.
what's the reason for the avoidance you gave.
what's my choice left.

grow strong. please.

lessons. what's there to speak about?

PE was height and weight.
dangs. :\
always dreaded that. :\
measured.
nothing much to talk about.
grow tall though.
0.5 cm. :D
borderline underweight.
dangs dangs. :\
had softball afterwards.
was nice and fun. :D

maths was...
pathetic?
lols.
everyone was dead tired.
for dont know what reason.
i was ultra exhausted.
right after recess.
and i just feel like letting the ultra heavy head down onto the table.
but i still managed to hold on until mr teo finishes going through the homework.
he sensed that everyone was lethargic
and he stopped teaching.
he ended lessons at 1.45 like that.
and most of us just go 'pong' onto the table.
slept right through until 2.
when he rushed everyone out of the class for lunch.

had literature in container classroom.
was ultra hot.
sauna-ing inside lor.
quite fun.
when is literature never fun? :D

maybe i got too pampered.
by my friends.
my family.
and pratically everyone.
maybe that's why.
i never choose to admit my errors,
i dont have the courage to admit my mistake,
when i know deep down that i had to.
when i'm feeling terrible...
i wanted.
i wanted to,
to go up to you and give you a big smile.
to ring up your number and say i'm sorry.
it's difficult.
and never easy.
when i know all you would say is,
it's alright.
i dont put it in my heart.
maybe,
if you choose to be harsher to me in the beginning.
i would be able to face all this myself.
and not wonder there,
how are you?
are you okay?
do you need someone there?
and doing nothing at all,
but to stare into the blank,
thinking of you.

it's either you pamper me the whole way. or leave me to my own defence in the beginning.
since you have choosen to pamper me from the start.
continue.

2008-06-24T20:25:00.002+08:00

school has started.
whether you like it or not.
O lvl is here.
116 days.
and there we are,
at the hall doing our next big exam. :\
face it.

monday was a slack day.
everyone was totally in holiday mood.
so mr teo just forgo the double maths period
and bring the whole class to hall for a long ICM.
and funny enough,
the whole class sat in threes.
in an ultra orderly manner.
and his reaction was, "spread out lar."
lols. :D
he took dont know how long to settle everyone.
due to his fickle-minded. :X
he made everyone sit at the side of the hall.
cause there's fan. LOLS. :D
and slowly,
he asked us to state our fear.
and he talked to the whole class.
using that 2 whole period.

literature was fun again.
was locked out of the library as usual.
and everyone has to throw a quote to get in.
had games.
and it was ultra fun. :D

today was st john day.
had to reach school at 6.10.
intended to rehersal the whole thing again.
but everyone reach late.
so we cant pratice with the flag.
in the end,
everyone has to stimulate.
and it looks kind of stupid. :\

but the real thing look nice right. :D
i know. :D :D

lessons today was ultra fast-pace.
dont know why. :D
teachers dont bother to change seats anymore.
last lap.
let's just dash.

in the end, everything will still be like this.

2008-06-21T16:45:00.005+08:00

i'm burnt.
around the whole neck area.
all thanks to the ultra harmful UV rays today.
RADIATION. :\
radiation until my neck went red.
and it hurts lor.

had training today.
and well,
the WHOLE day we were in the parade square.
under that hot glaring sun.
doing footdrill.
for POP and SJ DAY. :D :D

did sequence here and there.
left with coordination and the finale.
although we think that the finale song sounds so EMO.
nvrmind.
we are POP-ing anyways.
this year, we are the ones throwing the BERETS.
the ones who are the GUARD-OF-HONOUR!
ahahhas. :D :D
to be proud, i'm just one row beside the right marker. :D
i'm TALL hors!

had minor SJ DAY training. :D
and realised it's on TUESDAY.
and SJ DAY is a MUST to watch. :D :D
dont fall asleep hors!

and we realised that monday and tuesday is SJ morning. :D :D
so clap loudly!!!!!
~lalala.

if something bad happens, will you be there not to watch, but to stand infront of me and protect me from everything?

2008-06-20T21:24:00.001+08:00

hi.

& byes.

agony.
distress.
tired.
moodless.

2008-06-19T20:45:00.002+08:00

you never knew what i actually wanted.
you never knew what was the actual reason behind my rebellion.
you dont know.
all i want is someone to be there.
all i want is just to continue be that little girl in your heart.
and not the grown-up that everyone expects to see.

had upsetted my stomache again. :\
ouchs.

偶尔，只想做你们心中的小女孩--撒撒娇。
为的只是希望你们有时间看我一眼。希望你们有时间哄哄我。

2008-06-18T22:19:00.005+08:00

i'm really sorry to ruiyang and jianlun.
called ruiyang in the morning.
to get jianlun's number.
and in the end,
they said i woke them up. :\
lols.
in the end, the three of us conferenced for dont know how long.
and they managed to persuade me to school.

went to school at 12 plus.
reached there.
and saw Ms Vanitha.
bugged her to tell me the results for FAC.
and she insisted not to lar.
she says i can know with the whole school.
like danggs.

studied with jianlun and ruiyang
did my SBQ.
which they are SUPPOSED to teach me.
but in the end,
i do myself. :\

talked more than i moved my pen.
we crapped like numerous thing.
from individual UG.
to combine UG.
to school camps.
even to D&T stuff.
individual levels.
classes.
humans.
everything we managed to talk. :D

talked half way.
started emo-ing.
ohkays. i admit i'm emo-ing that moment.
and they started to try cheering me up.
thanks guys. :D
in the end, jianlun just patted my head and tell me,
"as long as you know you are correct. then it will be correct."

then they started measuring my head.
and their conclusion is,
jieting's head is smaller than a basketball.
like -_-".
and then they started playing with my head lar.
trying to see how many hands can make up a 3D diagram of my head.
playing with my hair.
see how many brown hair i got.
just because i was too busy emo-ing to bother them.

yeegin came.
and gave me a packet of m&m.
send cindy home before sending me home.
right at the bottom of my house.

thanks guys for cheering me up. :D

why do you want to deny the fact... that you knew deep in your heart?
and i dont know what was the tears for. guilt? or sadness?

2008-06-17T22:29:00.000+08:00

and everything got vomitted out.

2008-06-17T21:20:00.003+08:00

if i fall sick now.
i should be able to get myself well before school starts.

ohkays.
from now on, i shall work to build up my immune system. :D

poor stomache havent been feeling real well since that steamboat feast.
and now,
my whole body seems to be burning.
with my legs and palm feeling ultra cold. :\
then there were aches in muscles.
cough havent been improving.
going worst.
i think. :\

ohmanns.

maybe he's the one who know what that silence means.
maybe he's the one who had place for me only.
maybe i'm just too sick and the brain is going haywired.

或许做的梦越完美就越难回到现实里。
也许不该希望那么多。因为等到该结束时才会发现原来失望也会不停地流着。而结束也就更难了。

2008-06-17T20:38:00.002+08:00

i'm seriously hating SBQ.
been stuck in SBQ since dont know when.
and well,
i'm just as amazed as mrs ram on how i managed to score just 6 marks for MYE's SBQ. :\
like first question is 5 marks.
and well..
lols.
i dont know. :\

remembered what jianlun told me.
清者知情。
or was it the other words?
nevermind.
hahas.
well, just sort of..
hahas.
set me thinking again. :D

ohkays.
i shall go back and infer my SBQ again. ohmanns.

if people around think otherwise. you could only trust yourself.

2008-06-16T20:31:00.003+08:00

had training at 8.15.
reached at 8 plus.
and only mary was there.
both of us xia dao lor.
we thought we got tricked.
but in the end, the rest reached at 8.20 like that. :\

had training for POP.
and it's like million years ago since i had a corp training on footdrill.
half way through the training,
me, simin, aisyah and mariz started squatting right at the parade square....
to visualise the whole parade. :X

cut myself right at the ankle.
and it's ultra painful de.

went to see the trophy that officers claim back.
and is nice de lor. :D :D

and had to admit that we are getting old. :\
the sec4s get tired ultra easy.
and we were all asking for early dismissal.
ultra hungry de.

went home.
bathed.
wanted to fall asleep.
but the phone started ringing non-stop.
picked up twice.
and gave up.
ignored the next few calls.
slept the whole way till daddy came home.

talked to junjie.
and he was explaining how it wasnt his fault that they got late for the band concert.
and arguing with him is tired.
especially right after you wake up. :\

she's the one standing right beside you.

2008-06-15T22:06:00.002+08:00

~lalala.

ohkays. i'm ultra high now. :D
all thanks to amelia tsan.
for telling me such a shocking news. :D :D

hahas.
i'm so happy now. :D

anyways,
had steamboat for dinner.
and i think i didnt cook some food fresh.
having a grumpy stomach now.
celebrated fathers' day.
without daddy. :\
he went out.
on some usual trip to malaysia. :\

had ultra many stuff for steamboat.
and we just empty everything into the pot.
wait for it to boil.
then take it out.
think there's some which arent fully cooked.
alright.
who ask my F&N to be not that great. :\

because the way she stood by your side, smiling like the whole world's in love.
the way she stares at me, telling me to inch off.

2008-06-14T15:15:00.003+08:00

yesterday was band's concert.
and it was great. :D

met yuling and yeegin at 4.30 to have lunch cum dinner.
was fretting over where to go and what to eat.
cos all of us is like wearing so glam.
then go anywhere seems so out.
lols.
so in the end,
we settled in for pizza hut.

before i left to meet them,
junjie called and he was like "WHAT? girls need so long to meet up?"
lols.

and true enough.
we took about 15 mins to decide what to eat.
and another 15 mins to wait for the food to arrive. :\
teng met us at pizza hut and she started rushing everyone.
so we went down to the flower shop to buy flowers for the bandies.
met xuan and danielle there.

went off after buying flowers.
and the whole way there i was busy ipod-ing.
reached raffles.
and we exited by the wrong exit.
and we got lost.
so, we were ALMOST late for the concert.
reached VCH on the dot.
went in found cindy they all and sat down.
was sitting at the first few rows and at the side.
which cause me to have a neck ache afterwards.

the melody they played were nice.
only the part where the whole song added with a ultra loud bang SHOCK everyone.
i really xia dao can?
even yuxuan jolted up from her seat lar.
LOLS.

and YVONNE REALLY LOOK ULTRA CHIO when she was singing tong hua larr!!
AWWS. :D
their FBI thingy was quite cute.
and everything ended on the dot at 9.
gave them flowers and went off after that.
was walking aimlessly at the streets.
lols.
were trying to find a place to makan.
but realised that everywhere is either not for our age,
if not, booked up.

so we travelled back to lot 1 for our supper.
went home at around 11 plus.
reached home at 11 plus to 12.
was ultra tired.
bathed and slept my way through. :D

great job, band!

the way you tried to protect her from the crowd...

2008-06-12T22:03:00.002+08:00

ohkay ohkay.
i know my holidays are barely left with a WEEK.
i can hear the naggings of the teachers.
and i can see my homework pilling up.
i'm trying to gear up my engine and start writing k?
or at least, start my half rusty brain working on the maths.
maths is alien to me now.
i cant seem to do anything AT ALL.

oh my.
well well.
i shall stop whinning and start my engine going. :\
oh well.
goodbye holidays. i will miss you. TERRIBLY. :\

maybe i shouldnt be asking so much.
maybe i should just shut up.
maybe i should really understand.
what that tones meant. what that silence meant.
maybe i should know.
what he means was, "get lost."

2008-06-11T20:24:00.004+08:00

i'm dead tired.

let's start from tuesday.
where all my tiredness starts. :D
intended to meet shannon at JP at 4.30.
but that dua pai came at 5.30 lyk that.
i was waiting like an idoit lar.
then suddenly someone familiar came.
jun came larr.
then i was stun abit lor.
then he say shannon ask him come down.
cos she and shaokai will be late.
so lucky jun was there to wait with me lar.
if not 1 hour plus.
will die of boredom lor.

and that dua pai came with her shaokai.
LATE lor.
went around shopping.
went moonriver and bought clothes.
and the guys just has to wait for us lor.
lucky they brought their PSP.
was playing and playing the whole way lar.
they were SO engrossed that i think they will bang into a pillar somehow.
but they didnt. :\

so to make up for that 1 hour plus of aimless waiting,
shannon offered to treat us dinner.
and well,
to qiao her yi bi,
went pizza hut to buy 2 couples' meal.
but in the end,
still shaokai pay for her.
LOLS.

was already 9 plus when we had to leave.
shannon accompanied me back home as she want me to stay over at her house.
so went home.
bathe.
packed.
and daddy drove us back to shannon's place.

reached at about 11.
she was talking to her shaokai
while i was playing with the DS.
at midnight lyk tt,
had our girl-to-girl's talk.
she asked me lots of things.
and well,
it really did set me thinking lar.
but in the end,
she ended with, "you know. i will agree to whatever you do. as long as you know it's right."
so touched rite? :D
thanks shannon!

slept at around 1 plus.
was woken up in the morning at 6 plus by this idoit singing 天黑黑.
like wahhs.i want to sleep can?
dont care.
sleep until 10 plus.
woke up.
clean up.
DS-ed again.
ate.
peixin-jie and javier came and join us for swimming.

went to bukit batok for a swim.
from 1 plus to 5.
ultra tired.
but that two xiao gua hor,
not tired at all one lor.
had dinner at sakae.

if that's what you want from me, i can give it to you.

i fake a smile so he wont see.

2008-06-09T20:53:00.002+08:00

today was indeed a tiring and energy absorbing day. :\

went out early in the morning to meet clique at lot 1.
since it is yeegin's birthday, decided to trick her.
on the way there, called yeegin to trick her that most of us cant make it.
and that girl fall for the trap.
lols.
to make it less obvious,
i went to meet her with yenteng.
and well, we had to trick her all the way to bugis larr.

on the train, saw this auntie doing her mascara the very moment we step in from jurong east.
and she is only done like right before the train enter the underground tunnel?
like CLAPS.
there was once the train jerk and she still can do up her make-up leys!!
and she wasted soooo much time on both her eyes.
and her foundation is ultra thick larr.
she looks white can?
LOLS.

so reached bugis.
yeegin still trying her best to reach the pangsey group down to bugis.
lols.
in the end, we were too hungry to continue.
so me, yeegin and yenteng went N.Y.D.C first.
in the end, called them and they entered.

ate and highed.
but the time we spent there was far way lesser than the time we spent in seoul garden.
ate and went off to shop.
neoprinted.
shopped bugis junction.
shopped bugis street.

saw this ultra gl shirt.
"better than your ex and better than your next."
"why are all good men either gay, married or broke."
LOLS.

went back to kranji after that.
and it is ultra energy absorbing lorr.
after bugis street i cannot tahan lerr.
was zooming out the whole trip to kranji. :\

went home. bathed. eat.

my mind is giving way.

假洒脱。谁懂我多么不舍得。太爱了。所以我没有哭。没有说。

2008-06-07T21:14:00.002+08:00

going out with jie seriously will cause me to go bankrupt lorr.

went to bugis today.
then to raffles city.
then back to city hall
then to suntec.

saw this ULTRA nice adidas shirt.
$142. :D
anyone interested to buy that for me?

jie intended to go bowling.
and she intends to go KBox next saturday.
if i continues going on like this,
i will go bankrupt. :\

monday is going out with clique.
to bugis.
like AGAIN.
lols.

and i just realised,
i only have 2 weeks of holidays left.
OH MANNS.

no matter what happens, you will always be the knight in the story.

will you be my gingerbread man?

2008-06-06T21:35:00.002+08:00

if i could be a little bit more stronger.
if i were not that easily tired.
i would then be able to help out so much.
rather than adding on to everyone's anxiety.

once again, thanks to everyone.

and somehow, kungfu panda seems attracting to me. :D
anyone interested?

when all she could think is to avoid... she apologise for all that.

lastly, everyone. take care.

2008-06-05T22:18:00.002+08:00

i'm bored.
seriously bored.

every girl's entitled to be a princess, with her prince and knight all by her side.

hahas.
every sentence every word every action seems to be allowing me to infer something from it.
and that's the power of literature. :D
ok ok.
i know pure hist and pure geo students are going to han tum me.

afterall you are the one outside the picture all along. get that obvious hint and move on. stop being a leech.

mr lim told me to change my cca info myself.
and i was like telling him sj got numerous stuff and i cant remember it. :D
and he said. TOO BAD. :\
evil.

if that very moment, she nodded her head and said yes. what would have happened to all of them?

and to those who have been trying to infer what i'm talking in this post,
save your energy.
everything is here and there.

so much for all the promises.

havent been feeling real well since FAC ended.
been down with sleeping bug.
always tired and sleepy.
sorethroats.
headaches.
stomaches.
running nose.
oh mans.
time to build up immune system.
i wont want to start gulping down medicine before my intensive for Os starts.

have you ever wonder. is there a medicine which cures everything on earth?

ok. i'm done with ranting.
i shall leave.
and go for a sleep.
goodnite people.

i promise you that was the last time.

2008-06-05T21:11:00.002+08:00

literature seminar was ohkay.
we reached there far way earlier than we expected.

didnt have lessons in the morning.
went to school for post fac meeting.
then went to meet yuxuan they all.
went lot 1 and guanyeow told us that there's a cat stuck up at the hole somewhere around.
so the whole bunch of us were standing there staring at the hole.
the cat is ultra ke lian larr.
like want jump dont dare jump like that.
ke lian lorr.
what's worst is that the SMRT people dont even want to do anything larr!
like evil. :\
waited there.
hoping that we could make sure that the cat is save before we leave.
in the end, we left went the cat stopped purring.

seminared.
and the flying bird amazed me larr.
was not concentrating for dont know how many minutes. :X
bored.
crapped.
played.

went back to lot 1 for lunch at long john.
was high-ing there larr.
esp with that sucker yuxuan bimbo-ing zul.
is LOL lorr.
poor zul.
has to suffer under yuxuan's flirting.
hahahhahahas.

junjie called and he reminded me that O lvls is coming in like 19 weeks time.
and i was like WHAT?
and both of us was ranting over the phone.
like LOLS.
si junjie.
remind me this kind of things.

i waved goodbye with that tinge of sadness hidden well beneath my facade. you smiled when you saw me being able to cope with everything.

2008-06-02T22:44:00.002+08:00

the hurt was more vividly clear after the night's fall. it was not doing anything much. just there, reminding her of the pain that was always there, well hidden in her facade.

yes yes. i changed my blogskin AGAIN. :D
wanted to change blogsong. but was too lazy. :\
anyways, i'm bored.
and getting too high.
i need to calm down.
ok.
i'm crapping. :\

2008-06-02T20:36:00.002+08:00

intended to pon lessons today. as i was TOTALLY unwakable early in the morning. :\
if not for the 1st period of maths and the whole day filled with maths,
i would have pon-ed today.

mr teo came back with a bandaged ankle.
and he recounted his fall for all of us.
he re-teached plane geometry.
which i FINALLY saw some light in his teaching. :D
and i'm going to master plane geometry no matter what.
mr teo says it's this kind of minor topic which determines your A1/A2.
and i'm going to make myself UNDERSTAND.

yesterday was great.
big congrats to EVERYONE. :D

amelia took the tag NC 3. and we realised it's the same tag as our IFAC.
so everything went on.
uniform check and stuff.
first case, FAC.
went up and well, no one noticed of the girl who was choking.
so in the end, i had to treat that girl.
who has NO injury and have to perform CPR.

nxt was FD.
which everyone just screw it up.
had a on-the-spot FD training.
and indeed, we got LAST for FD. nice one. :\

then it was HN.
yanrong crapped her way through about the dead husband which makes me go OH MY GOD.
LOLS.

intended to sleep while waiting for 6 to come.
but yanrong and mary just keep blaring at me.
lols.

prize presentation.
air-con room.
ultra freezing.

results were great.
AC team got 4th, missing the 3rd position by 0.5 marks.
it was GREAT. esp since last yr they were the LAST.

Christine's grp trashed Haising's HN. and they got 1st! :D
2nd for FA i think. :D
simin got 2nd for CPR.

our grp got 3rd for FA.
3rd for HN.
3rd overall.
best CPR. :D :D
and of course, best leader.

aisyah got 2nd for best leader.
and 2nd for FD.

HUAT arr!! :D :D

and now, we can pass out with glory.

2008-05-30T21:38:00.002+08:00

today lesson was as usual.
had history early in the morning.
and everyone was just trying to jackpot mrs ram's questions.
she showed us this ultra lame cartoon's answer which she thinks is funny.
and well,
no one laughed at all. :\

maths was in ava.
ms leong's lessons again. :X
well, her lessons just DONT enter my brains.
it got rejected ohkays?
got released late.
saw ms lee walking into 4D.
and we were like SHIT. RUN!!
but we were still late.
and in the end,
ms lee locked 16 people outside the class.
however, we were let in after answering the questions she post. :D
seriously LOVE lit. :D

after lessons were training.
FD-ed and FA-ed.
2 more days.
OH MY.

and yar. happy birthday leonard. :D

love can changed through trickery and manipulation, and then blossom into artifical love. Yet when the love spell that was once set upon the eyes got 'lifted', only true love will prevail.

sometimes, somethings just arent meant to be said.

2008-05-28T20:22:00.005+08:00

what's the whole world coming to?
when inter-relations between people get so entangled.
when simple stuffs get so complicated.
when every matter seems to be over-lapping each other.
what's the right thing to do?
what's the correct choice to make?
who to side?
who to believe?
personally,
i dont see the reason for all this accusations, girl.
i dont see what would you gain from all this.
respect from those who were being kept in the dark?
sympathy from those who trusted you so well?
dont you know that the ugly truth will be out one day?
dont you know that you wont stand any gain from all this conflict and chaos you had just created?
i dont think that was necessary at all.
not at all.
we are leaving this school.
cant we make it a grand pass-over?
cant we make it a last good year?
cant we just make everything peaceful?
& everything just come on and on.
when the first story had not even ended,
the second one started.
continue and continue.
on and on.
everyone is involved.
be it a by-stander, the victim or the mastermind.
make a choice.
you cant stay neutral.
not when your friends are being accused in such a manner.
a manner, that you wont like it too.

ohkays. that was just SOME rants. :\
holidays had started.
i know that. but we have lessons. :(
somemore,
mr seah and mr teo both went climbing.
which make this week chem-less
and maths were combined with 4E.

maths with 4E is ohkay larr.
except that they are like ultra-smart.
and we were just sitting there trying our very best to absorb.
i think mr teo has to RE-TEACH when he returns. :\
it always happen like this. :X
i hate plane geometry larr.
the plane geometry with circles still can larr.
but the triangles and stuff.
OHMYGOD.
is alien to me can?

today was chem-less and phy-less.
had maths ONLY.
which was the ONLY lesson that was RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCHEDULE.
ALMOST pon-ed. :X
came. but was late. :\
with shunting they all.
had training. but was rotting instead.
mary went chalet and yanrong went climbing.
so left me and amelia.
so we rotted and trained and mathed at the same time. :D
say cheers to us :D

mr lim seems to be in bad mood today.
and seriously.
he looks so ultra scary without his trademark smile. :S
and IS scary.
ohh.
and mr lim's car is NICE.

and yes. one paper down for O lvls.
chinese paper was ohkay larr.
i'm amazed by the answer booklet for paper 2.
got cheated.
and i had to waste my time correcting my answers. :\

monday lessons were ohkay.
mrs ram got a lil' too high over venice.
and our whole class just got leng diao.
but weichang is hilarious larr.
we were talking about laces.
and mrs ram goes, 'guys at the back, do you know what are laces?'
and of course they went yar yar.
but then...

weichang made this comment, "laces is shi wa arr?'
then i was like, "NO! laces is laces. shi wa is STOCKING."
that moment was HILARIOUS larr.

and FAC is like this sunday.
like OHMYGOD.
3 DAYS.
let's aim for that trophy.

i still cant figure out the reason for all the play you are writing...
3 days. lets countdown.

2008-05-24T18:15:00.003+08:00

if our story were to be changed into a song,
what would it be?
a relative fast and up-beated hip-hop,
or would it be a slow and smoothing love song?

you can hear through my voice.
you can see through my facade.
you can sense through my feelings.
yet you cant tell what causes all this.
you cant tell why is hurt evident in my voice.
you cant tell why is wary evident in my eyes.
cause the reason for everything.
is you...

dont remind me that O level is HERE.
dont remind me that FAC is COMING.

and to those taking MTL O levels on monday,
GOOD LUCK!!!
may you have a BIG A1!!! :D :D

2008-05-24T17:55:00.003+08:00

it's O level in 2 days time.
and oh my gosh.
i'm feeling so worried. :\

had intensive this few days.
and well,
it was quite okay.
except for the part that i almost fall asleep on the last day.

friday was gathering at hall for sec4s and 5s only.
and i was almost late. :\
the bus driver was having a 'war' with the other bus driver.
and he just tries to out-take him for dont know what reason.
so in the end,
he skipped the kranji bus stop and went off.
the whole bus of kranjians just stand there,
mouth agape.
we were SHOCKED and STUNNED.
so everyone started frantically pressing the bell.
afraid that the uncle woul drive off again.
and we were left at the next bus stop. :\

had lesson.
was dozing off.
luckily i was sitting quite behind.
and mdm yong could not catch me. :X
but kunda was kelian.
he got caught and noticed for dont know how many times.
O level Nov paper was easy.
60.5/70.
if is actual Os,
i would be over the moon.
and once again,
stupid kunda got 61.5.
and he was so zai over it.
eyyer.

after lesson was lunch at mac.
i had happy meal.
and got shoot by may they all larr.
say i childish.
but the toy was ultra nice what.
and the lady at the cashier stunned
when i told her,
can i have a happy meal please?
like LOLS.

returned to school for training in the morning,
before going off for lesson.
8-12.30.
i managed to stay awake.
and by ignoring the stomach for not treating it with any breakfast.
finished up 2 packets of biscuits.

010608.
it's coming.
and i'm not prepared. :(

when the journey had not even started,
it had come to an end.
i had to stand there and wave at you,
telling you goodbye,
take care.

2008-05-14T20:26:00.003+08:00

today was nothing much.
it rained as expected.
and everything was disrupted every few minutes.
in the end,
bball and soccer were cancelled.
went to the court and got bullied instead.
that jin hui and dexter.
throw newspaper at me. :\
went to support captains' ball.
cheered.
and jeered.

had two minor attacks today.
one after the 4A and 4B match.
came down.
and everything starts again.
but this time round,
everything was far way better.
it came and go.

second was right during yuxuan's relapse.
after my first attack,
yuxuan came down and had her relapse.
and so i went running around looking for mr teo and mr lim.
and back down to the canteen.
and in the end,
the stupid weak heart cant overcome the whole thing
and it relapsed again.
so me and yuxuan got everyone so worried.
especially yuxuan when she was totally unconscious.

although the two attacks were short,
yet.
i really hated it so much.
although i can cope it myself now,
but i really dislike the thought of making everyone around me so worried.
everyone treats me like a weak and fragile girl.
they were afraid that i might relapse once more.
they were worried that i overwork myself.
i really hate the way i am now.
i want to be like last time
where i can jump and laugh and high with no one worrying me.

after the attacks were real tired.
just kept dozing off in class.
english was playing of hang-man.
and in the end,
4E joined us.
then was chem.
mr lim talked.
about studying and de-stressing.
and he got so high over our MTL intensive.
and he started cheering like a little kid.
like LMAOS.

after school went for danielle's celebration at pizza hut.
was ultra high lorr.
was laughing and laughing so hard
until stomach pain lorr.
sang birthday song for like dont know how many times.
paying of bill is worst.
we totally laugh until cannot stand and move. :D

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIELLE, XINGXIAN, STOZER and WEICHANG

i love the way my friends surround me, letting me know i'm in good hands. <3.

2008-05-13T21:01:00.002+08:00

learn how to kan kai ler.
18 is nothing. compared to A maths' 31 mark careless.
like WOW.
towrong say, you can try entering the world record.
and i think so too. :\
like 31 marks.
who can be THAT careless. :[
and even chemistry.
1.5 marks careless.
nice one lorr.

had a minor relapse today.
i dont know what happened.
was talking to all of them.
or should i say,
i was sitting down with people surrounding me.
everything was fine
until the stupid pain came.
and took my breath away again.
and everything come like yesterday.
but this time round,
i managed to handle it
with the help of yeegin.
and i'm fine after that.
although the dizzy spell returns
and i just feel very tired.

as usual, i want to thank those who care.
i'm fine now. :D

那一刻很想卸下自己的坚强然后依偎在你怀里，让你轻轻的抚摸我的头，轻声的安抚我紧张的情绪，告诉我没事了。

2008-05-12T20:57:00.002+08:00

to those whom i had troubled, sorry.
to those whom i had worried, sorry.
to those who had helped me out, thanks.
to those who had gave me support, thanks.
to those who had been there, thanks.

especially to Mr Lim and Mr Teo.
sorry for causing you to skip your lunch.
especially to Amelia, Hidayah, Laura and Cindy.
thanks for being there for me.
especially to Yeegin, Yuxuan and Danielle.
thanks for rushing down to NUH right after school.
especially to Miss Tan, Mr Lau and Mr Yeo.
thanks for trying to calm me down.

so all in all,
thanks to all that had helped.
i dont know who were there.
so i cant name all.
but, i really thank you guys. :D

and to those who had been worrying for me,
thanks.
i'm fine now. perfectly alright.

doctor says it's hyperventilation.
and they say it was caused by stress.
they ALMOST transferred me to psychiatrist.
but didnt.

it was painful.
a really terrible experience.
and now i understand how yuxuan felt. :\
you just have to lie there,
trying to overcome the ultra pain that is coming within your body and at your limbs.
everything is tensed up and cramped.
and in the same time,
you have to control your breathing which you just feel like giving up.
it was tiring.
and once the breathing is controlled,
the pain continues and you have to breath in harder to overcome the pain.

the ambulance is for inducing vomitting.
and it was giddy staying inside.
the aircon was blasting.
and i almost scared the paramedics out of life by having a great decrease in pulse rate.
he said it was 24 per min.
which was totally different from 90 plus when i was in school.
what's more, he was an inexperienced one.

maybe i was far way weaker than i thought...

2008-05-10T22:42:00.003+08:00

today's training is play.

had fac quiz early in the morning.
then recreation the whole 2 hours.
soccer.

played with amelia's team.
9-1 leyys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and 9 goals,
got 2 i score one leyys. :D :D

then right after match with amelia, i got so ultra tired larr.
lao le lao le.
then the match with aisyah team.
wahhs.
i play half time only.
i cannot make it liaos.
so tired lorr. :\
so i gan cui go join the juniors with the other seniors.

and and i'm SOO surprised that the SEC 1 juniors know us leyys.
LOLS. :D

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!

I LOVE YOU MUMMY!!! :D :D

2008-05-09T21:38:00.003+08:00

it's after exams! :D :D

today was the LAST paper.
and when Mr Tan annouced the end of paper,
everyone CHEERED. :D

after paper was staying back to check MTL paper.
and i was ULTRA hungry larr. :((
what's more it was so stuffy and i almost feel like sleeping.
and eric yap is ultra irritating by making tons and tons of not needed comments. :\

didnt really fare well for chinese.
cuo bie zi is oh my god.

got maths 6 digits.
and i flunked amaths paper 1.
oh well. didnt expect to do well too.
hope that paper 2 can pull it up.
and e maths is...
nevermind.
mr teo's only comment.
'you made TERRIBLE careless mistakes.'
like OUCH.

went for celebration after everything.
went bowling with yenteng, yuling, cindy, yanying, yeegin and angela.
it was FUN larr.
although i almost lost my voice for screaming too much. :X
the ball was SO heavy larr.
the lightest- 6 kg leys.
is heavy and oily larr.
and the ball dropped twice. :\
i almost got pulled along with the ball.
now muscle ache. :

thurs was practical. and it was headache larr.
i hate balancing stuff larr.
scalded myself.
bcos of test tube.
i tot cool down liaos,
then go touch it.
so zhong biao lor. :\

and sitting beside sec5s for exams is really DISTRACTING lorr. :((

and... everything seems so magical... will it end one day?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YENTENG AND CINDY!!

2008-04-27T19:44:00.003+08:00

if that's the way you claimed of to protect me, then i rather you choose to hurt me. at least, it would be much less hurtful than it is right now. i miss the days we had. i miss the times we were together. i miss every single thing about you. exchanging awkward glances, sensing the weird silence. make a move turn over. it's too much to bear. why must it always be us?

2008-04-25T20:27:00.003+08:00

Take a Bow- Rihanna

Ohh, how 'bout a round of applause
Yeah, standin' ovation
Ohh, ohh yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah.

You look so dumb right now
Standin' outside my house
Tryin' to apologise
You're so ugly when you cry
Please, just cut it out.

Don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not
Baby when I know you're sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me goin'
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closin'
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow, ohh ohh.

Grab your clothes and get gone
You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on
Talkin' 'bout girl, I love you, you're the one
This just look like the re-run
Please, what else is on.

And dont tell me you're sorry when you're not
Baby when I know you're sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me goin'
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closin'
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow, ohh.

And the award for the best liar goes to you
For makin' me believe that you could be faithful to me
Let's hear your speech out
How's 'bout a round of applause
A standin' ovation

But you put on qite a show
You really had me goin'
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closin'
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow.

But it's over now.

song of the week. :D

2008-04-20T11:35:00.003+08:00

thursday.
service learning.
was released at 12.30.
so our whole class created chaos. :P
LOLS.
was supposed to board the bus at 1.
budd we boarded the bus at like 1 plus.
was freaking noisy right outside the general office. :\
was playing and stuff like that.
then we were jokingly talking about playing mahjhong with the ppl there.
and mr lim was laughing and talking with us when he suddenly stare at us.
then everyone turn around and saw mdm lee walking down the stairs.
then mr lim quickly help us change subject.
LOLS.

boarded the bus.
weichang they all was playing chess.
while we played concentration with mr lim.
then after a few rounds around bukit batok,
we realised that we were are lost.
LOLS.
so mr lim squatted right beside the driver and directed him.

finally, we reached the place and everyone alight.
and weichang got bus-sick. LOLS.
cleaned. played. talked.
they were a bunch of fun people. :D
at least, they made all of us laugh.
LOLLS.
went off at about 3 plus.
the whole class was high-ing once more in the bus.

mr lim brought the whole class to macdonalds for ice-cream afterwards.
we were alighted near limbang
and mr lim brought the whole bunch of us da yao da bai go in mac.
then weisheng say, "4D gonna rock the house"
and everyone started cheering RIGHT before mr lim opened the door.
LOLS.
so we stayed there,
partied until 4 lyk tt.
then we walked back to skool
climbing slopes and taking the muddy way out all thanks to ZUL.
LOLS.

reached skool, packed.
went ava and mdm yong asked our class to go for IP nxt week.
so went back class again.
this time,
saw weichang climbing in to 4E.
LOLLS.

this trip really made everyone bond together even more.
even the guys...
they really did their best to do household chores.
and even communicating with them.
they are great.
we are great. :D

i know it will be tough.

2008-04-13T18:22:00.002+08:00

just returned from lot 1 for a dinner.
i'm not crazy. just that i need to get out of the house.
things have been going through my mind.
and i had homework left undone. :\
everything is coming so fast.
midyear. Os.
and i'm not even well prepared yet.

and i'm really sorry. :(

会在你身边睡着不是因为你闷，而是因为放心。放心能在你身边睡着。

2008-04-11T20:08:00.003+08:00

busy.
mid year coming.
revision not started.
night study.

night study starts this week.
and well, everything goes on well.
except for chinese lesson.
i almost fell alseep. :\
all thanks to ___ who managed to make me stay awake. :D

mr teo rocks. hahas. :D
from next week onwards,
tues, thurs - spin room.
fri- ava.
yepps. 4D need classrooms for maths. :D :D

was kind of high today.
mainly because today is a short lesson. :D :D
went back to class after maths,
and saw ms lee having lesson in 4C.
so, me and danielle walked past and stood behind the class.
and was frantically waving and tweesing at her,
trying to make her lose her concentration.
and we succeeded larr!! although she denied. :D
but she was smiling larr. :D :D

lit was always high.
ms lee had stopped the locking people out.
instead, she go for Ibex cheer. LOLLS. :D

thursday's career guidance was far way better than last week's.
had a change of coach.
and mr teo had also fulfilled his promise to drop by and take a look, making sure we arent badly treated. :D
learnt about being well-groomed and stuff like that.
and of course, the whole course ended with wanting us studying real hard.

and i feel the motivation to study now. dont laugh.

love is not wanting the person by your side, but wanting the person to feel comfort and happiness with the love you gave unconditionally.

2008-04-04T18:14:00.003+08:00

睡美人会睡上100年不是因为巫婆下的诅咒。而是因为睡美人自己明白心目中最爱的那个王子，只出现在梦里。为了要见到他，睡美人宁愿100年都在沉睡中。这100年以来，她从来都没想过要苏醒过来。在梦里，王子十分体贴公主。王子十分保护公主。为了公主，王子可以不惜任何代价来哄公主开心。在梦里，王子和公主一直过着幸福快乐的日子。公主不想苏醒，不想让自己离开梦里。因为公主知道苏醒后，王子会离她而去。但，梦始终是梦。100年的诅咒到了，王子也像巫婆设下的剧情一样，来到了城堡深深地问了公主的嘴。公主懒洋洋的睁开了眼，看见了出现在梦里的王子。。。

王子会离开吗？还是，王子会像梦里的他一样，一直呆在公主身边疼爱她？

to whoever is reading this, whether you are feeling sick or perfectly fine, PLEASE. take care of yourself. please be fine.

i really didnt know you could have actually changed so much. does power really change a person so much, so fast? you werent like this before. you never were. you used to be so kind and understanding, keeping people's interest before yours. and now? you left your friend in lurch, didnt even bother about them just so because you wanted your own job to be completed so that you wont receive any punishments? it really pains my heart to see you change. from the one i once loved, once knew, once cared so much for. sometimes, your attitude and behaviour really irks me. but i always thought, it was just for one moment. yet, this incident proves me wrong. you could actually leave your friend alone and went off with your boyfriend? spending time with your other significant one is actually more important than your friend's well-being? if something real bad happen to that friend of yours, would you be feeling good? you dont seem to worry at all. when everyone was out there, waiting in silence, hopping that everything would be fine. and yet, you were there saying nothing. not even waiting and caring and just went off? sick. that's the reason you gave. and please, everyone else is sick. after so many things, you still say you cares. yeah right.

you knew all along that your words had seared the heart of ours. you knew all along that daddy have been tolerating your nonsense. you knew all along that how much mummy hope that everything would be fine. yet, you still choose to stomp your way through. you still choose to irritate them with your extra noises. daddy have been giving you the silent treatment. yet, you still choose to treat it as oblivious. you choose not to be the one giving in. you want daddy to give in instead. you want everyone of us to give in to you instead. headstrong. everyone in the family is headstrong. no one wants to budge. no one wants to let way. tensed arguments used to hung in the air. and now? nothing. silence always filled the atmosphere when both of you were around. the days we used to be travelling together were long lost. you blamed daddy for working everytime. you blame daddy for not being there for the family. yet have you ever wonder what makes daddy work so hard? he just wanted us to have a better life. a better home. yet, you choose to blame him. blame him for being hard-hearted. you blame him for keeping quiet and not spending time with us. i thought you were just being young. i admit i thought so too. but heys, i've come to the point and understand. daddy loves us all. and yet, you are still headstrong with your own ideas, own mindset. please... understand him. let everything be the same as before...

when reality is here, the dreams are always broken. the most beautiful picture tends to be in the dream... choose one. you cant be living in both the reality and dream. one day, you have to return to the place you once belong...

2008-04-03T21:06:00.006+08:00

sore throat season.
ms lai and ms lee are down for sore throat. :\

maths was fun.
esp. calculator with standard deviation. :D
it's ultra amazing larr.
guanyeow taught me a story.
lols.
fun fun. :D

CE was career guidance.
the instructor is crazy lorr.
step in and started yanking none stop.
yijun asked him to do self-intro.
and he say it's a stupid question.
like WHATEVER.
he pissed the class off.
and people started gl-ing him.
then he started screaming at us for not listening.
here's an extract.

"you all can choose not to listen. and i can choose not to be here. i got a camp going on at pasir ris with 400 plus kids waiting for me. and yet, i'm here talking to you all when you all dont even want to listen. you know, pasir ris and kranji is a long distance. and i'm here for just 1 hr. just listen to me and you can go off and i can go off too."

like WHATEVER!!! !!^%!#%$#%!$#%

oral is flunk.
dont know what crap i crapping. EWWS.

his name is seetoh junjie :D
it was never you to start off with.

2008-04-02T20:38:00.004+08:00

past few days have been a headache for me.
monday to now.
still flu-ing and coughing.
for once, i thought my sore throat would be better.
yet, it worsen today :\
i sounded so werid.
so high-pitch.

monday was english workshop.
and seriously.
the lecturer is speaking in a 1000x bullet train speed can?
ultra fast and note taking is hard lorr.

tuesday was april fool's day.
went around wishing people happy april's fool. :D
after school was HSK workshop.
which cause alot of people to go into the state of beng kui-ing.
LOLS.
drenched.
warmed. :D

wednesday.
tissue day.
finished up my own packet of tissue.
and others tissue. :\
thanks to zhanning for his 2 packets of tissue.
yanni, chrismin, yinting, yenteng and nelson for their packet of tissue.
was sneezing the whole day.
and oh manns.
i think i would break my nose if i continue sneezing. :\

mr ronald tan came in during maths to motivate us.
make us feel like studying for maths.
and meet the school's targets.
he says ' the most important subject is maths'.
LOLS.
after he finish talking, was SS.
Mrs Ram came in and saw the huge target writen on the board.
her first reaction was, "how can your class amaths win 4E one."
like EVIL.
then we told her about mr tan's mindset that maths is the most important.
and she say, "you see. comb humans is equilvilant to e maths. so you should score 1.8 for comb. humans. pure humans is equilvilant to a maths. so you should score 1.8 for pure humans too.'
then when mr tan walked past, she quickly erase her targets for us.
like LOL larr.

lit was another running session.
ran past 4C.
and saw ms lee still inside.
so we just walked.

after school was chemistry experiment.
mr seah told us that the best way to dry your test-tubes is to put the tissue in and take it out again.
so i go listen to him and stuff tissues in larr.
however, in the end the tissue got stuck instead. :\
and mr seah had to spend time taking it out.
in the end, i didnt even use that test-tube. :\

that day, you spelt love to me. <3
王子深深地吻了公主一下。公主醒来后才发现，原来王子只是一场梦。梦醒来后，王子就从身边消失了。
you know i love only you.

2008-03-30T17:45:00.002+08:00

this week had been a busy week.
beside staying in school from 8am-9pm for the workshop,
saturday and sunday were dedicated to st john. :D

wednesday- friday were in spin room.
and i totally regretted not bring my jacket for 2 days larr.
oh mann. and it IS really freezing cold there.
but dear yuxuan shared her jacket with me. :D aws.

saturday was flag day in Bukit Batok.
and Hwa Chong is ERRGHS.
they really dash and ask for donations one lorr.
like as if they were ultra despo for money :\
so went to the HDB district instead.
and there was a duman high guy standing there like statue.
LOLS.
no one bothered about him at all. :\
saw esmond and a huge group of kranjians.
went back and talked until 5 plus.

sunday. went money-counting for flag day.
and Bukit Batok is WOW.
lols.
i didnt know that larr.
got ultra many coins and a huge 50 dollar note. :D :D
overall: $971.28.
and i know how it's like to be like a millionaire. :D

blocked nose. burning throat. feverish. :(

2008-03-29T20:48:00.002+08:00

it was indeed a touching session.
a wonderful session.
that bonds not only families, but friends together.
sorries. thankyous. i love you.
the top three words in my list.
and i'm going to tell everyone that had left a footprint in my life this 3 phrases.

Dear friends,

i'm seriously thankful for the fact that i could actually know you, letting you leave your footprints behind. because of your existence, my secondary school life was never dull. because of you, i know that i'm being loved and liked for who i am. if i had done or said something that really hurt you before, i'm really sorry.

and seriously,
adam khoo is ultra rich cann?
:\

yes dear, you are special. :)

2008-03-23T15:23:00.003+08:00

the harshest arguement i had with ___ in my whole life.
it got so freaking scary.
the way __ leng me and giving me the whatever attitude.
__ knows i CANT stand it.
especially coming from __.
and surprisingly,
our root of arguement is because of another person.
like WOW.
never realised that this person could actually cause us to be arguing.
and now,
__ ignoring me.
hais.
why is everything is a huge chaos...
everything's soooo wrong now.
arguements and stuff.
if this is part of the growing up process,
i rather i'm NOT growing up. :\

when the ones who claimed to be there werent there. when none of them even bothered at all. forget it. :(

2008-03-21T14:16:00.004+08:00

She came to me,
looking so distress,
so tired.
'Are you okay?'
is all i could ask her.
She smiled and nodded,
so strong,
so sure.
Yet, i could sense her fear.
i could hear the harshness of her decision.
i could see the hurt in her.
'Are you sure'
last question,
i promised her.
Now, she kept silent,
she kept quiet.
She arent sure.
She dont know that's fear in her.
She dont know that's hurt in her.
She dont know the water coming out from her eyes were tears.

yesterday was choir's lion kind musical medley.
was nice larr.
great job done guys! :D

met yangqi, chrismin, towrong, wanlin, peiwen, sk, dingxiong, yuling, yanying, cindy and ruiyang
at lot 1.
saw LOADS of kranjians there.
all going for the concert. :)

the most funny part was when they say 'look at the stars'
then everyone of us just turn our head up and stare at the lights.
LOLLS :D

saw ms ong.
and mans,
i DO miss her
and her YO YO YO. hais.

concert ended at 9.30 lyk tt. waited for choir.
intending to go talk to danielle and yeegin they all de.
budd too late liaos.
so we just went off.
go shop. :D
budd,
was actually gl-ing at the bridge.
screaming and shouting like nobody's business.
and well,
taking photos too.
ghostly ones. :D
reached home at 12.
tired.
slept.

school ended freaking idoitically late.
2.35pm.
like SIAOS.
IP starts at 3. -_-"
teachers WOULD DEFINITELY drag.
so we would be lunchless.

and it's totally NO use to end sooooo late.
brains started shutting down at 2.15.
i mean, 3yrs in kranji.
2.15 is go home time lorr.
now..
2.35.
every period,
ppl would be looking at the timetable.
counting down. :\

once, we managed to persuade mr malek to go down and take his stuff.
and everyone just doze off the moment he step out.
LOLLS.
that's 4D. :D

next week is 2 days lesson.
the 3 days will be adam khoo-ing.
workshop and stuff.
would have ultra many conflicts then.
ppl gling ppl.
DAMNNS.

you just have to come and turn my mood off and giving me one thousand and one reason to attitude you and hate you and finally ask you to get a life and just scram off. come on, stop thinking highly of yourself. so, get lost dude. your personality is starting to irk me terribly.

finally,
fall in love with words. :D

2008-03-16T21:47:00.001+08:00

if i could. i wont be feeling so messy now. if i could, i wont even be bothering myself over you anymore. if i could....

2008-03-16T20:09:00.003+08:00

it might be true that the way teachers blasted us with homeworks are sometimes unreasonable. it might be true that the way teachers expect so much from us is totally insane. like harlo? we have at least 7 subjects on hand. juggle all up and maintain As like all teachers claim? it's hard you know. yar yar. all the nice nice names they give to show us the 'hey, you all better work up to expectations'. stess. i dont deny that. at times, i really feel like just poning school for the whole of 1 month. 1 day is good for me too. i dreaded school recently. esp chinese. cant work up her high standards. and the way you conduct classes. test after test. papers after papers. results? as lousy. even drop in results. teachers have been stressing MSG. esp maths. understandable. what's more, the end result is us. O lvls. we have to score right? if we managed to work up to the expectations the teachers set, i would definitely score <12. DEFINITELY. but. how can i possibly do so? humans are gifted to err in some area. LOLS. yeahhs. but still, we have to try our best right? OH MANNS. if i can tell myself that and motivate me to study chinese and my comb. humans, i would score manns. let me grumble before i have to start the race again. :\