shaking with fear, tears fighting to be let out of the swelled up eyes. she stared at what she had seen, trying to make sure that it was all her illusion, her imaginary. yet, it wasnt. their hands, were there. she turned away, and back face them. she couldnt take it anymore. her friend asked her softly, 'ya fine?' she replied, 'yea. tired. that's all.' and smiled. her friend looked at her, knowing that she's lying. but still, she insisted. she's fine. she walked off, wanting to leave the place, the person. yet still, pictures flowed back to her mind whenever she closed her eyes. their hands. their glance. his move. her action. those images continue piercing her heart as if wanting to kill her with every stab. slowly, she opened her eyes, and realised it's raining. she wanted to scream, and let out all her pains. yet, she stopped. the peacefulness around her... she doesnt want to destory it. her inner voice shouted, 'why, god why. why is it me?' yet there was no reply. she was depressed. lying her head slowly on the table, she stared at the rain. it was raining so softly and quietly. as if they were the blood in her heart, dripping slowly and quietly. yet at the same time, they seems to be consoling her, telling her it's fine to cry. to let out everything. slowly, she closed back her eyes. even if the images came back haunting her. she doesnt want to do anything. she just, wants to allow herself to be embraced in the peace. tears started flowing out slowly from her eyes... she whispered to herself, 'just let me cry for this time. ' it will be the last time. she promised herself. yet she knows, the promise she made to herself, will always be broken...

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i want to be the one who cheer you up
and make you smile.
not the one who bring you down
and make you frown.
i want to be the one who bring you happiness
and let you feel better.
not the one who cause you unhappiness
and let you feel worst.
i want to be the one you think of first
and share your troubles.
not the on who you think of last
and never know what happens.
yet, i seems to be so useless
so worthless
so not needed
i only knew how to make you sad,
not happy.
i only knew how to make you unhappy,
not happy.
i only knew how to creat your troubles,
not solving it.
if i'm so incapable
of bringing you happiness,
should i then
leave you to pursue
your happiness?
i'm just so useless,
so worthless,
so not needed.