i heard. and i thought. tears came. i dont deny the fact. running slowly, they fall from the swelling eyes. hurt? i think so. gave up is the word. the moment i heard that. i was mentally calm. i thought i will be screaming and crying my heart out. but... no. i didnt. i only gave a small reply. a reply, that even shocked me terribly. i should be feeling angry. i should be feeling hurt. i should be feeling so pissed... that i wish that i could just dial his number and scream right into the phone. i thought so. but, in fact. i was abnormally calm and peaceful. 'ohkay.' i said. and silence followed. i was rational that very moment. so cool-headed that i didnt do anything werid or absurd. hahas. blame me for my rationale. hahas.

cried? i dont call that crying. i call that... well, tears running out. this time round, i kind of feel numb. well, after going through the same old thing, what can i expect? another big huge chaos? hahas. no way. i told myself that. last time. yes. this will be the last time. for the undeserved tears to flow for him. this heartless creature. hahas.

i told him what happened. and his reaction was what i expected. i mean, for someone beside yeegin who had been there for me since the wrong step i made, he knows how terrible i feel and why i did all the things. but i guess, only the two of them understand me. hahas. he said that it was unworth. another cliche sentence i heard from him. hahas. wondering how many unworth he had mentioned about this general topic. i guess, it must be a million. but somehow, i continued siding him. helping him. stupid. yes. he called me that. and it was so wth. but i dont deny the fact. i admit. it's stupid. and foolish.

i rememebered how i laughed over helena's foolishness for demetrius. and somehow, i aint any better now am i? hahas. i presume not. somehow, helena is bravier. and well, better in handling all this stuff. even though she acts like a big freak and is totally a humilation to female sex. hahas. character analysis. mind me and my dear literature text. i mean, i love lit. maybe because it teaches us how i look at things with different perspective. and to argues your inference with a solid concrete evidence. and not so tales you spin it out yourself. hahas. lit is not an useless subject. it's an art. or should i say, a life time thing. due to the fact of reading shakespeare work, i found myself being more able to appreciate people. for what they had done. secretly for us. and i thanked him for that. he is always the super fast and first one to realise that i need someone there. to hear me scream and scold and shout at. and somehow, he had the ability to make me feel much much better. i seriously need to thank him loads. well, for when i needed him, he was always at my call. hahas. that's why, i always overcome all this idoitic things very quickly. all thanks to him.

not only do i have my darling him beside me, i had my baobeis. ohkay. firstly, my baobei yeegin. hahas. really. super loads of thanks. to well, for everything. yarr. my bestie arr.. never failed to make me speak up. and never failed to speak up for me. thank loads. [: always there. always find me eat my secret hiding place. and the last to leave me. well, sometimes, i think she knows and understands me more than i do to myself! hahas. next is my baobei shannon jie. being there with me too larr. and well, giving me the women's side of view. when he is always giving me the men's side of view. hahas. that's what people call yi gang yi rou bahs. somehow, both of them together de joke, really can make me go hahahahaehehehe de. well, seriously. sometimes, i think. without them, how do i survive from all this.. err. post-secondary problems? hahas.

and for the guy who cause all this misery, well. i have nothing to say. totally gave up on you. get lost with your sweet nothings. i dont need them anyway. leave them for someone else. someone who is willing to fall for your sweet nothings. me? i got tired. or should i say immuned. hahas. wait. dont label me as sicko or sadist okay? i'm just immuned. hahas. well, a tinge of sadist. couldnt believe is laughing over this kind of thing with yeegin. till the extend yeegin ask, ehh, we ohkay mahhs? high over this kind of thing. lols. i admit. it's kinda sick. hahas. but seriously, what can i do? cry? and make a big fuss out of this? hahas. no way. that's so not jieting can? hahas. so, i will just ignore him until the end of my exams. and just concentrate on my exams. and after that, i will just go back for him. hmm.. and what should i do? i told him that i might just give him a good scolding. and i was said to be so typical of me. hahahs. oh well.


he said, " but always know that when you fall... there's always a me behind you... supporting you... when you fall."
you promised, "i will always be there for you."

same meaning. same old cliche sweet nothings. hahas.